B is for Bill W
by Jelsemium
Summary: Yet another story for the Summer 2007 Alphabet Fiction Challenge. Charlie doesn't want to be on TV, who's he gonna call?


B is for Bill W.

Author's Note: I guess it's just a matter of WHICH Summer Alphabet Fiction Challenge this was for. In this case, it's the 2007 version.

Author's Warning: Silliness ahead. Do NOT drink and read.

Bill Waldie was a many of many passions.

He loved science. He loved people. He loved inspiring people to love science.

Bill also loved fantasy baseball, which is why he had come looking for Oswald Kittner.

Knowing his best bet of locating the eccentric student was to look in the office of Oswald's equally eccentric mentor, he headed for the math department.

The door to Charlie Eppes' office was open, and Bill raised his hand to give a courtesy knock on the door jamb. However, hearing angry voices made him pause.

One of the few things that Bill Waldie did not like was violence, even as 'mild' a form as a heated argument. He peered into Charlie's office to gauge the advisability of a quick retreat.

There were two people (male and female) in the room that Bill recognized and three (two males and one female) that he didn't.

Charlie was standing next to a chalk board, one that contained algorithms that Bill recognized as being from Charlie's infamous Casino Night lecture. He knew that Casino night had been last week and he wondered why Charlie still had that board up.

One of the unfamiliar males was carrying a video camera and was apparently filming the interview. Suddenly Bill realized that the chalkboard that Charlie was standing next to was one that had two sides. He mentally bet himself that whatever Charlie had really been working on was on the other side of the board.

"I appreciate the offer," Charlie was saying. "But I really do not have the time for…" He waved his slender hands as he searched for the right words. "For… frivolous projects."

Charlie's exasperated tones that implied he not only didn't appreciate the offer, but he wanted his guests to leave his office somewhat sooner than immediately.

Bill's next mental bet was that Millie and her entourage had surprised Charlie in the middle of a classified project for the FBI.

Their mutual boss, Mildred "Baseball is for Wimps" Finch was frowning. "This isn't frivolous, Professor Eppes," she said in clipped tones that reminded Bill of Barbara Woodhouse with a recalcitrant retriever."

The second man that Bill did not recognize was taking notes and muttering under his breath. Bill caught snatches of the bald man's one sided conversation, which apparently had nothing to do with the argument. "Charlie Eppes teaches math in steps…"

The dark haired, dark bearded cameraman was taking pictures out of the window. "That's too long, Happy," he said.

"You do think that it's important to interest young people in science careers, don't you, Professor Eppes," the unfamiliar woman wheedled.

"Well, yes, Dr. Marsh," Charlie said. "In fact, I do think that this is a good idea."

"Professor Charlie, mathman," muttered Happy.

"Nah, Dr. Charlie, math-a-holic," the cameraman said.

"It doesn't rhyme, Al," Happy complained.

Dr. Marsh and Prof. Finch brightened.

"You'll help then?" Dr. Marsh asked.

"What was your mother's maiden name?" Happy asked.

"Mann," Millie supplied before Charlie could answer or refuse to answer.

"I'm sorry, I just don't have the time for this sort of commitment," Charlie insisted.

Mildred looked around the room, as if for more ammunition. She spotted Bill before he could retreat.

"Professor Waldie!" she said in pleased tones.

Everyone except the note-taker looked his way.

"Professor Mann," muttered Happy.

"That should work," Al the cameraman said.

Charlie looked at his watch and frowned, probably thinking that he had forgotten an appointment. Bill knew that panicky feeling well.

"Hello," he said, coming a little farther into the room. "I hate to interrupt. I was looking for Oswald."

"Oh," Charlie said in relief. "He's gone on some errands. He'll be back after lunch."

"Thanks," Bill said with a nod. He turned, but didn't manage to get out the door before Millie spoke again. "Professor Waldie, perhaps we could get your opinion on this matter."

Bill looked at Charlie, who was frowning at Millie.

"Wellllll," Bill said, reluctant to get involved in their dispute.

"It'll be worth an extra hour per week on the supercomputer," Millie coaxed.

"Well," Bill said more cheerfully. "I'd be happy to help." He looked at Charlie's unhappy face. "If I can," he added.

"Math Mann will help if he can," Happy muttered.

"Professor Waldie… Bill…" Dr. Finch said, oozing benevolence.

Bill almost broke and ran. Dr. Finch going to first name basis usually meant a really big favor was in the offing. The extra hour on the supercomputer might not be worth it.

"Johanna, this is Dr. Bill Waldie, from our physics department," Millie said. "Bill, this is Dr. Johanna Marsh. Al Petta is the man with the camera…"

Al pointed the camera at Bill.

"Last, but not least, this is Happy Leon," Millie went on.

Happy gave a brief wave before going back to his notes.

"Johanna and her people are planning a television series about the wonders of science," Millie said. "It will be shot here on campus."

Bill blinked, feeling a little like a man who saw black smoke billowing from a volcano, only to find out that the smoke was merely special effects for a movie. This didn't sound bad at all.

"A television series about science?" he asked. "You mean, as in something that would showcase the way cool ways that science improves our lives? Information about how the world works around us? Something that would alleviate young people's fears and encourage them to look into science as a career path?"

Everybody was looking at him with various expressions of astonishment, and in Charlie's case, relief.

"What?" Bill asked.

"You sound quite enthused about this project," Dr. Finch said.

Al spoke up without looking away from his camera. "He looks good. The camera loves him."

Dr. Marsh raised her eyebrows. "You said the camera loved Professor Eppes."

Al looked up from his view finder. "It does," he huffed.

"Professor Waldie, will help you see…" muttered the note-taker.

"Perhaps you would consider being the host of this show, Bill," Dr. Finch said.

Bill was taken aback. He'd come in here to ask a student to work with him on a fantasy baseball party and had been offered the dream job of a life. "I… I would be honored!" he said.

Charlie looked as if he'd just found out that Santa Claus was real.

"What was your mother's maiden name?" Happy asked.

Bill blinked.

"Nye," Dr. Finch supplied.

Happy beamed. "Nye! That would rhyme with a lot of things."

"Math Guy?" Al suggested.

"No," Dr. Marsh said. "We want all science, not just math."

"I've got it!" Happy said. "'Bill Nye, the Science Guy!"

Dr. Marsh grinned. "I like that," she said.

Charlie, seeing himself getting off the hook, pumped his fist in the air and chanted. "Bill! Bill!"

Happy looked at Charlie and grinned. "That's good," he said. "We can use that."

"Be my guest," Charlie said. "Well, actually, not just now. As I said, I'm really very busy." He ushered them all out of his office.

Drs. Marsh and Finch flanked Bill, talking animatedly.

Happy and Al followed them, chanting: "Bill Nye the Science Guy. Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill!"


End file.
